Helping children learn Perseverance |
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[Editorial published 2/21/08]
Hi Everybody,
My son (4 1/2 years old) is a bit of a perfectionist. Unfortunately, his patience hasn't yet caught up with his ambitions. While my husband and I try to encourage his creativity, every day some project ends with frustration and giving up. The phrase, "I can't do it" is becoming somewhat of a mantra for him. Fortunately, we can still calm him down and usually encourage him past the sticking point. We need to find ways to bolster his own coping mechanisms while instilling a "can do" spirit. The topic for this week's newsletter is Helping children learn Perseverance.
As parents, sometimes it's easier to simply swoop in and rescue our children from whatever difficulties they're having: complete the puzzle they were trying to solve, re-assemble a broken toy or simply help them adjust whatever article of clothing wasn't fitting quite right. Of course, the problem with this type of heroism is that we lower their threshold for giving up. To this end, we're embarking on a project of our own and have decided to help our kids create their own problem-solving toolbox.
My husband's plan is to literally give our son a real box and tell him it's his "Problem-Solving Toolbox." We might even make a special activity out of decorating it together. Then, each time he feels like giving up, we can work with him to find a solution. Once the problem is solved, we'll have him take that solution and put it in his toolbox. Should a similar problem arise in the future, our hope is that we can ask him to step back, get his toolbox out and review which tool might best help him solve the current situation.
What goes in the box will depend on the problems that arise. I can guess that one of the first tools that will go in the box will focus on breaking a problem down into smaller pieces -- that tool can be represented by Legos. Another tool will have to do with looking at a problematic situation differently - maybe we can represent that with a Rubik's cube to show that looking at the problem from a different side may show the answer. Perhaps we'll find something that will remind him to laugh. We certainly haven't figured out the answers nor have we encountered all the problems.
I'm hoping that the box will be an opportunity for reflection, learning and adventure too. Specifically, we can reflect together after a situation has calmed down, then perhaps again at bedtime. We hope learning will occur as more problems are solved by remembering to employ his tools (metaphorically). Finally, the adventure will be seeking out a tool that represents the concept, whether we have to pull it from our current toy collection or go shopping for something specifically.
We may be asking too much conceptually from our son, but time will tell. Perhaps he'll even start to find new ways to solve problems just to add tools to his box - that would indeed be a success. What I know for certain is that 1) interfering to solve my son's problems diminishes his ability to persevere, and 2) my husband's ideas usually work. So let me also approach this idea with a "can-do" attitude. I will let you know in a few months how it is going...
I hope your week is filled with laughter,
Jill
p.s. I'll save the topic of "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" for another editorial.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 05 January 2010 )
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