[Editorial published 4/23/08]
Hi Everyone,
I'm delighted to introduce a new columnist to the GreatIdeasForKids.com web site. Wendy Brache is a mother of 3 who has two regular columns in the Broomfield Enterprise newspaper. Thanks to a mutual friend's referral, I've been reading Wendy's work online for a couple months now and I have enjoyed her humor and parenting insight. Her first article posted on GreatIdeasForKids.com is about "Raising a Family" and it resonated with me on the topic of changing Perspectives.
For this week's editorial, I'm sharing anecdotes about three major shifts to my perspective as a parent. I'm sure there have been many more (including a few related to poop) but these three have affected me most profoundly.
I distinctly recall one of the first times we hired a baby sitter. I was upstairs changing into nicer clothes, while my husband briefed the babysitter on the feeding and care of our infant son. When I came back to the kitchen, I reviewed the bottle-preparation steps: first add the formula powder, then add the water, and shake. The sitter looked at me with a smile and said that my husband had instructed her to add the water first and then the powder. Despite my belief that I knew "the right way to do it", I couldn't refute that my husband had given the baby more bottles than I had, and our boy was just fine. This was a big turning point, because from that point forth I had a more open mind to his perspective being equally valid on all parenting matters.
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Another turning point occurred last summer when I committed to start this business. Over a holiday weekend, my husband watched the kids while I delved into the web site for 3 days straight. I was back in the groove, like my old life when I had worked endless hours for large technical companies. When my kids clamored for my attention, I just sent them to Daddy. By the end of the stretch, it was plain to see that running a web site about great ideas for kids, was not a great idea for my own kids. So I made a decision to try to limit my web work to nighttime. But my perspective changed during the day, when I devoted myself to my kids moreso than ever before. I'm still a mom all day, every day (with a break for a few hours on Date Night). But the difference was my perspective. I had made a choice to be a devoted mom, no longer was being a mom just the result of having children. The "all day, every day" didn't drag any more, and I relish being a parent much more. This specific change in perspective was like being "born again" into motherhood, and it is wonderful.
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More recently, I was inspired reading about the viewpoint of GreatIdeasForKids.com Featured Expert Patience Bleskan. On her site she mentions a parenting theory that involves the simple assumption that children are competent. Previously, I was awed (and slightly freaked out) by my neighbors who had a stepstool to their kitchen sink. They allowed their 2-year-old to fill a small glass bowl with water and carry it back to her art table. In my house, the bowl would be plastic and I'd be the one filling it. The difference is the assumption of competence. Earlier this year, after reading Patience's viewpoint I was inspired to change my perspective and now try to assume competence more often. I don't steer my kids so much, and more frequently trust them to help themselves (while I also try not to cringe at the potential mess). I listen to my son's problem-solving solutions and lean toward his suggestions instead of over-riding them with my "wisdom". This change in perspective has really improved my 5-year-old son's demeanor and strengthened our relationship.
I'll save other matters of perspective for a later editorial, let me wrap up and point you to Wendy Brache's "Authentic Life" column and her perspective-filled posting on "Raising a Family". Take a moment to enjoy.
I hope your week is filled with laughter,
Jill
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 24 April 2008 )
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