Teach Don't Train: Putting Toilet-ing in its Place |
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[Guest Editorial published 10/30/08]
Many factors come into play when helping children transition out of diapers and onto the toilet. Parents question how they will know their child is ready, how to start and what is the best way to approach the process.
A recent study tried to answer these toilet-training questions. A group in Belgium analyzed all the information on toilet training. They found "there was no overall consensus to the optimal age for starting to toilet train. 
There was also no consensus on the expected mean of age of completed toilet training." They went on to discuss the two main techniques used to toilet train, a more regimented and timed approach versus a child-initiated approach. It suggested that a combination of the two would be best. "The last thing we want to do is teach our children holding habits, instead of teaching proper emptying habits," was how the summary of the research on Urotoday.com ended. (June 2008)
While these appear to be important matters in the process of transitioning out of diapers it seems unlikely the questions will ever be definitively answered. Yet, if learning to use the toilet is put back into its proper place in regard to development and learning, the questions become almost obsolete.
Development
Early childhood development of the mind and body are completely intertwined. Most learning is a direct result of body development. Young infants discover they have a body and how to control it. Older infants begin to reach out with their bodies to discover how they can affect the world around them. By 18-24 months most children have basic mastery of their bodies. [Continue here from the newsletter's READ MORE break] So, at around 2 years of age the brain makes a leap in understanding and switches focus from the body to relationships. Language growth is explosive and play becomes more cooperative.
Gaining control of the bowel and bladder used to be part of this early body mastery. In the 1950’s the average age of a toilet trained child was 18 months. Today, the average age a child is toilet trained in is 36-40 months. Children today develop in the same time frame as they did 50 years ago. The difference is lifestyle and attitudes about toilet training.
Learning
Learning, at any age, is best when new information is put into context of what is already known. Start simple and build up from there. For many areas of learning we do this. One example is learning to read.
 We start singing the ABC’s when a child is very young. Then parents teach the letter symbols and their names at around 2-3 years old. Next, the sounds of letters are introduced. At around 4-5 years old a child begins reading simple words, followed with simple sentences. By 6 years most children can read at a basic level. The reason a child can read at 6 is because of all the pre-literacy skills he or she learned along the way.
With toilet training the idea of pre-toilet-ing skills had been lost. The average age parents in the United States introduce using the toilet to a child is 24 months. Parents jump right in to peeing and pooping on the potty without considering early skills. Both parent and child are flustered when at 30 months little progress was made.
Just like children need to learn pre-literacy skill before being expected to read, children need to learn about the bathroom, their body parts and that poop and pee go it the toilet before being expected to use the toilet.
Motor Skills
Learning to control the bladder and bowel is ultimately a motor skill. All motor skills start off as reflexes and become voluntary. The sphincters and muscles in the pelvic floor of infants reflexively release when the bladder and bowel are full. Gaining control of a set of muscles requires muscle awareness, strength and coordination, and the only way to gain those three things is practice.
 The most important skill a child needs for toilet-ing is the ability to recognize what it feels like to have a full bladder and bowel. Children learn the sensations of their body when it is brought to their attention. Parents can get their child’s attention on the feeling of a full bladder by talking to them about it and allowing them to see the pee and poop come out.
A New Look at Potty Training
The goal of potty training as stated in the research summary is "teaching proper emptying habits." To reach that goal we have to take toilet-ing out of the realm of training and put it back into the normal developmental learning process of early childhood.
The best way to make learning to use the toilet a more natural part of development is to talk to infants about using the potty. Changing diapers is the perfect time to let children know that pooping and peeing in a diaper is temporary. They will learn how to use the potty like mom and dad, and it will be so cool. When children are in the bathroom parents should talk about why and how to use the toilet.
Another great way to talk about toilet-ing habits is when parents and children are naming the parts of the body and what they do. Children are often told the ears are for hearing and the nose is for smelling. It is just as important for children to know that the penis or vagina is for peeing and the bottom is for pooping.
Children who are exposed to the idea of using the toilet early and often begin to show signs of interest between 13 and 15 months. Unfortunately, most parents have been taught to believe this is too early to begin and so don't take advantage of the opportunity.
While a 13-month old may not be ready to get rid of diapers they are ready to start practicing and preparing for toilet use. Children should be encouraged to pretend to go potty. They pretend cook all the time and it will be years before they go near a stove. It is good for a child to sit on the toilet and be excited even if they don't pee or poop there yet.
Helping children have a good relationship with their body is important for the rest of their lives. It is because of this relationship potty training has become such a scary task. We don't want to push children before they are ready, but we also don't want to wait so long they stop paying attention to how the body gets rid of waste.
The best thing to do in helping your child make a happy and healthy transition to using the toilet is to talk about it as often as possible with an attitude of excitement and confidence. Then, take the child's lead with a loving expectation of the importance of going to the bathroom the right way.
Patience Bleskan, M.A.
Child Development Specialist
Parenting Consultant
Potty Workshop on Nov 22nd, 2008
Saturday from 11:00 am - 1:00 pm
400 S. Logan in Denver, CO (map)
$30/individual $45/couple
Call 720-839-6555 to register |
Patience Bleskan is the GreatIdeasForKids.com Featured Expert on Parenting and Potty Training. She is available for private in-home consultations and is currently lecturing in Denver and Boulder on the following topics:
+ Beyond Discipline
+ Potty Learning
+ Sound Sleep
+ Learning to look: what to see when you watch your child play.
Go online for date and times or to schedule her for you own event or moms group. www.patiencebleskan.com 720-839-6555
Oct 2008 update: Patience's web site is down but will be back soon! Just call her with any inquiries.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 30 October 2008 )
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